Although a dreadful subject, for some reason or another I feel that its time for me to experience new heights in this blog and write about things like....death.

No one wants to talk about it, no one wants to think about it, no one wants to come to terms with it, but its part of life.

The other night I had a nightmare....my mother passed away. It was one of those nightmares that felt so real, that inside it all I could not come back to reality. It was so detailed, so painful, I awoke and felt tears in my eyes. I called my mother immediately to tell her what had happened while I slept, to tell her the pain I felt, to tell her I loved her of course.

Sadly, everyone dies. At one point or another we will all perish from this earth whether we like it or not. No matter how healthy you are, how many vitamins you take, how cautious you are, no matter how much you try to escape it, death will come. I know this sounds awful and terrible and why the hell am I writing about this?!

I've experienced several losses in my life, and this blog is simply here to notify everyone that there is no real way to deal with a loss. After that nightmare I thought about my parents and how both of them have lost their parents. I thought about how painful it was, and how I have no idea how people handle it. Death is so hard because of the uncertainty of it all. Often times I wonder if there is something more, after death. Its crazy to think about, of course we hear tales of heaven and hell and an afterlife. But death puts fear in all of us because there's no way of really knowing what's next. So with this we must realize one extremely important thing about life. Cherish it. Live it. Experience every detail of it. Take chances. Fall in love. LIVE.

So many of us walk around with the fear of death that we forget to live. Not only this, but so many of us are so into planning and figuring things out that we lose track of where we are in this moment. Life has no instruction booklet, there is no guide to tell us what to do or how to do it. There is no money-back guarantee. We've been handed this life, and everything that comes with it. Now we must simply go with it. So many people put things off for tomorrow, or stay in jobs that they absolutely can't stand. People stay in relationships due to fear. People don't take chances because they are afraid of failure. But what all of us need to realize is that these are all paths of life. Without the pain and fear, we wouldn't be able to feel the good things. Without a heartbreak we wouldn't be able to recognize love.

So go for it. Live your life. Take chances. Fail. Fall down. Get your heart broken.....from all these ventures you will learn so much. You will learn to cherish so much. And you will essentially realize that this life you have been given has been lived to the fullest. That you have taken chances, and you will be remembered long after you're gone. Remember "A life is worth nothing but the impact it has on other lives". So stop reading this blog....go experience the world out there.

besos

Today is Thanksgiving Day.

As with other days, the Holidays especially bring some sort of emotion. Of course everyone out there hopes you are happy and joyful but some of us have a different set of feelings. Sitting here, hours before our meal, I'm trying to get myself together. The reason I say this is because the holidays bring a sort of melancholy for me. A feeling of sadness, of memories that only exist in the back of my mind.

On days like this when families come together I think of my family. Of how we have lost so much. Of how wonderful my early days where. Now the dinner table lacks all of my Grandparents, and that to me is extremely painful.

The other day I called my mother and we got to talking about Christmas music, all of the sudden she began to cry. I was confused at first, but I quickly realized that her mother used to love Christmas music. How can one thing that brings smiles to so many, make someone else cry? My grandmother used to play her christmas records and dance around in her living room. We still have those records and that antique record player, but she is no longer here to dance with us.

Growing up in Venezuela around the holidays was completely different. I guess I took it for granted. I always knew my entire family would be at the dinner table, I always knew my Grandparents would be having us over for dinner and presents. I always knew I'd be able to play and make memories with all of my cousins.

Now we spend holidays alone. The four of us, reminiscing on the good times. We have a special bond due to all we have been through. This part of us strengthens me every single day. I feel that if we have survived all of this, we can survive so much more. Leaving our family and a country that we loved, to start all over in a foreign land. Not everyone can say they have gone through this. Losing loved ones and family moving away, this has bonded the four of us even more.

So today I am grateful for my family. They are truly amazing and I have no idea how I got this lucky. They have been there for me through the good and the bad, and I know they will be there for me for years to come. On these holidays we will remember our loved ones, who went through so much to get us where we are. No one will ever be able to break the bond that we all share, and these memories that I have will forever remain close to my heart. Every day I live for them, I hope I'm making them proud and becoming the woman they taught me to be.

Happy Holidays.

besos

Tonight I find myself in a familiar place...actually a place that reminds me of Spain. Its 2am in the morning and I can't seem to fall asleep. I feel as though every night in Spain was like this. I'm not quite sure why, but every night after a long and crazy day I would lay down and be completely awake. At the time I was sure it was the time change, but I now realize that it was all in my head. Literally. I can't sleep because something is either bothering me or I'm worried or overwhelmed about something. In Spain I couldn't sleep mostly because of the little girls I lived with. I never shared this on my blog then for fear of their mother or father somehow running into my blog. But now that my relationship with them has almost entirely ended, I can fully express how I feel about my host family.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been taught valuable lessons in life. I have been blessed with an amazing family who has supported me throughout every endeavor. My Spain sisters have not been as lucky. I know this blog will not do them justice, but its worth a try. I guess I can begin by saying that my experience with this family in Spain further proved how amazing my own parents are. These two beautiful girls were unfortunately dealt a different hand. All I heard the entire time in Spain was yelling. I was constantly surrounded by screams and scolding. They could never be good enough for their mother. These girls are angels, they do their chores, they get amazing grades, they are perfect...but they get nothing in return. They have no idea what love is. They are constantly reminded that whatever they do is not good enough, and I'm afraid that it will never be good enough. How does a little girl manage to grow up in a household like this one? I wanted so badly to interfere but I knew it was not my place. But every day I wondered what if. What if I just stood up to their parents and told them to wake up and realize that your children are not some commodity that you boss around; they are your flesh and blood. You should love them and cherish the moments you have with them. I can not begin to tell you how amazing these girls are. How incredibly happy they would get every time I treated them to ice-cream. ICE-CREAM! They are surrounded by so much negativity that I have yet to understand how they are able to hold so much love inside.

I couldn't sleep in Spain because I knew that these girls deserved better. They deserved to be loved. Sometimes at night when they couldn't sleep we would all sit together in a room and talk about things. They were so surprised with my stories. Of my childhood and my trips to Disney World...their parents have never even taken them to a theme park. I think I showed them more love in a month then they have seen in an entire lifetime. The night before I left Spain these girls cried harder than I've ever seen anyone cry. They cried until they couldn't breathe. I was completely torn because I knew I had to go. I was so happy to be able to see my family again, but so sad because I didn't want to leave these girls. For those of you wondering why I had so much trouble explaining my experience in Spain, well heres your answer. Spain was not a fun filled trip full of sightseeing and late night partying. It was sad. It hurts to think about. How I wish I could be more active in those little girls' lives. Its sad to think about because I know there are millions of other children out there who don't get the love they deserve. How did I get so lucky? To have such amazing parents and such a loving family?

-besos

"Death makes Angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws"

-Jim Morrison

Parents should never have to bury their children; brothers and sisters should never have to bury their siblings...

I heard news today that a dear friend of mine passed away late at night on October 27, 2009. She was 21 years old.

You never think something like this can happen to you, or even to someone close to you, but the truth of the matter is that it can and it does. Franki was a ray of sunshine. Her smile could change your entire day, her personality, her laugh...made her an amazing person. Unfortunately I fear that she may have kept a lot locked inside. We fear to be judged by others, so we keep the pain to ourselves. When I heard news about her death I was in shock. Its a feeling I can't explain and I would never wish upon anyone. Its confusing and nauseating, its a whirlwind. Everything around you becomes blurry, your stomach tightens, and all you can describe is this numb feeling, this empty and numb feeling. Life is so unexpected. We quote this, we write it in songs, in poems, but do we take this seriously? Do we realize that we could be gone tomorrow? Or someone close to us could be gone tomorrow? Do we tell everyone we love them every single day? Or do we just wait, we can always tell them tomorrow...

There was not a tomorrow for Franki, nor should we all expect to see one for others. Appreciate every day, every second of your life as it flashes before you. Tell your friends and family how much you love them, and cherish every single moment on this earth.

I attended a vigil for Franki this evening, and the pain was so hard to bare. It should not have been like this. Students crying all together for a beautiful girl who left us too soon.

We all grew up tonight, we all realized just how hard this life can be. We also realized that we need to stick together, that we all need each other. We will always remember Franki, we will hold her deep inside our hearts and carry her memories with us forever. She's in a better place now, but of course we all wish she would be here with us. Her memory will keep her alive among us, and I know we will always think of her.

R.I.P. Franki you will be missed

-Steph

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

That every situation we encounter has a purpose.

That every person we meet will mean something.

That every heartbreak will make sense.

It's those days when you feel down and lost and you really have no idea how to get up again that always seem to get me to this point... to the point where I realize that everything happens for a reason. Lately I've been feeling a little down, a little confused/misunderstood. Everything seems to be happening so fast that I haven't had any time to fully catch up to it all. I start school in a week and I already feel behind. I was having a rough day yesterday and decided to call it a night. I woke up this morning, another regular day. I worked at Tasty Yo until about 3 pm and returned home to hang with Cohen. I decided to walk Cohen all the way uptown so he would have his exercise for the day. We encountered three limo drivers hanging out by a hotel parking lot. They began to have small talk with me, very nice guys, and then a minute conversation turned into an hour. And here is where I realized that everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes you need perfect strangers to be placed in your life to remind you how lucky you are. Sometimes you need conversation, attention, laughter...We talked about everything, from politics, to the Caribbean, to the economy, to dogs. These men work three jobs, they struggle to give their family a better life. Their hearts are gigantic. Their smiles... even more so gigantic. They are those men who live for their family, those men who would work nonstop to be able to send their daughter to college. Those men who appreciate the beauty in this life, the beauty that so many of us have overlooked. It is our family, our love, thats the real beauty here. It is not the amount of money you have in your pocket, nor is it the car you drive. It is not the private school you attended nor the number of vacations you have taken... it is so much more. It's holding hands with your wife and watching your children grow in front of your eyes, it's being there for your family through the good and the bad. It's recognizing the fact that money could never buy this, it will never be able to buy this.

I wish so deeply to grow up and help others understand that there is more to this life than money. There are families who have a quarter of what I may have, but they are ten times happier. There are fathers who rarely see their children, who are stuck in meetings or phone conversations and miss out on their lives. I know that changing people is one of the hardest tasks out there. That those people who are big headed, whose money runs their lives, they will never be changed.

This economy has hindered a lot of us, but on the bright side it has woken us up. We live in abundance, but do we cherish what we have? I hope this recession has helped families realize that money means nothing, and family means everything. That money can not buy happiness, it can not buy love, and it can not buy health. It is superficial. Materialistic.

Back to my friends in the parking lot...I am truly grateful for whatever led me there, I am grateful because it truly lifted my spirits and I met some amazing people through it all.

besos

"Sometimes your flush and sometimes you're bust and when you're up its never as good as it seems and when you're down you never think you'll be up again but life goes on..."

Life. There are so many quotes so many ideas and representations of life. How it's hard or easy or worth it or not. Its truly a roller coaster ride if u ask me. Its keeps on going up and down and turning into the most odd directions. Making your stomach drop and making u nervous while feeling exhilarating all at the same time. But really...what is this life? No one knows...no one will know.

At times I confuse myself because I think so deeply of it. Because this world fascinates me and saddens me at the same time. Because at one point you're so incredibly happy and weight less and then it hits you and you're sad and heartbroken. I think one of the most important things in this life is love. The right kind of love. "That brings a fire to your heart and peace to your mind"...that makes you feel real and whole and alive. That's all I wish for. This roller coaster wouldn't be so hard in love. Love is the answer right? Materialistic people are not happy...they feel happy for a split second when they buy that car and then they're down again. But love...love can make you feel like you're floating. Like you've found your purpose. Like dreams can come true and miracles are possible. So many people have quoted about it... "A life without love is no life at all" "live in love" "all you need is love"...all these people...they KNOW they get it. Love is the answer...its as simple as that.

-besos

Do you ever just go into this really deep thinking state? where your mind wanders all over the place...and the world around you just stands still...

I get in this mood all the time...most of the times I love it. I love the things I come up with, the crazy ideas and views of this world. Other times I wonder who else thinks this way. Who focuses so deeply on one moment and captures it in it's entirety. To only analyze it until there is nothing left.

All my life in Charlotte I've never found a sense of belonging...when we left Venezuela and moved to Charlotte I frequently asked my mother when we were returning home. She would say, "This is home" but that phrase has never fit. Home is not this...I may not know exactly what it feels like, but it sure as hell does not feel like this. I could leave Charlotte any minute now, i do not feel attached to this place whatsoever. I do find this a bit sad when you think of it, living in a place for over 14 years and never feeling home. People say "Home is where the heart is", but right now I have no idea where my heart is. I've been extremely confused these past couple of weeks. Like I've been knocked off balance, and I can't find my place again.

I've had a terrible day...a day that has taken me back to some of my hardest moments. I've realized that one of the reasons why I so deeply wish to leave this city is due to the racism and anti-semitism. Simply put...I've had enough. I'm done with hearing racial slurs, Jew jokes, gay jokes...I'm over it all and I wish to escape it. There is so much more to this world, but some less fortunate choose to bring others down in their daily lives. I feel sorry for these unfortunate souls who feel as though they must discriminate in order to fit in, in order to feel better about themselves. Because that's the only reason I can give them...you put someone else down to feel better about yourself right? Because if you can make yourself feel better by making fun of a Black man or a Jewish girl, then you've increased your self-esteem for the day! Well congratulations! These impudent human beings...they make me sick.

Perhaps this is the sole reason as to why I don't feel home. How can one feel home with so much hate around? I have been exposed to this discriminatory behavior ever since I moved here. I hope someday I can find a better place...a place where there are more educated people, people who understand history. People who understand what we have all gone through and that we deserve to be here. Until then I will keep fighting back. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" right?

besos

A Compilation of My Favorite Qoutes

Well...

My whole life I have been collecting quotes...sad quotes, happy quotes, inspirational quotes, movie quotes, philosophical quotes, song lyrics...and I figured some of you bloggers may want to sit back and just read them...I have a big book at home where I write all of my favorite quotes that I come across...and when I'm in one of those moods I kick back and enjoy these words. It fascinates me how in just a few simple words you can put out such an inspiring message...here it goes...

"Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward."

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are”

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” Jimi Hendrix

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different" -Coco Chanel

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
-Sex and the City

"As we grow up, we learn that the one person who isn't supposed to let you down probably will, and the one person that you never thought would be there for you, is. You're going to have fights with your friends, you're going to lose some of your friends, you may even fall in love with one of your friends. You will eventually lose someone you love - and love someone you never thought you'd find. People are going to hate you, love you, love to hate you, and hate to love you, but the ones that mean the most to you will always be there."

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: 'It goes on.' -Robert Frost

The best kind of kiss is the unexpected, unplanned ones. The ones that just come naturally, like in the middle of a sentence.

Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence -Pulp Fiction

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.

Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them -Marcel Proust

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without shielding yourself from happiness.

Things fall apart so that other things can fall together.

I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.-Marilyn Monroe

Michelangelo said the best way to judge the essential elements of a sculpture is to throw it down a hill and the unimportant pieces will break away. Sometimes life is like that. It tosses us down a hill. But when we reach the bottom and only the important things are left, that's when our vision clears. That's when we hold on tight to what we know, while hope stirs inside us. It's all a matter of perspective -Everwood

I do my thing, & you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if buy chance we find each other - it is beautiful. If not it can't be helped -Fritz Perl

"And on the other hand, when nothing is certain .. everything is possible."

You know that place between sleep and awake, where you're still dreaming? that's where i'll always think of you. that's where i'll be waiting -Hook

The ones who love us least are the ones we'll die to please... ~The Replacements

You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time. ~ Never Been Kissed

Do you ever just put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like; everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but for some reason you just keep going -practical magic

Sometimes what you're searching for, is right where you left it --Sweet Home Alabama

For those of you who may not have heard...or those of you who live abroad...My sister and I have opened up a Frozen yogurt shop in Charlotte, NC. We have chosen an area called "NoDa"...North Davidson. It's very artsy and free, a place to be yourself and meet people from all walks of life. We felt that our store Tasty Yo would fit right in. An independent family owned yogurt shop! We sell Original Tart Frozen yogurt...it's plain yogurt frozen! And we offer over 20 toppings to choose from...you pick 3!! It's really good for you...nonfat, low calories, live and active cultures, gluten free etc...

We have really started to pick up and have a wonderful following...people come here every single day extremely excited to get their Tasty Yo fix! Its an extremely rewarding feeling to walk into this place at 10am and realize that this is YOURS! Most of the handy work was done while I was in Madrid...so I have to give props to my sister and my parents for getting this place together. I am extremely proud of my whole family. I have learned a lot here...even if we have only been open for a couple of weeks. I've learned the true passion you must have to open up your own place, I've learned that hard work truly pays off, and that kindness and understanding will always keep you one step ahead of the game.

My family and I try to be extremely kind to all of our customers. We appreciate their business so much! Our customers are becoming fans of our shop in spite of this recession, and their weekly trips to the shop make us extremely grateful! Sometimes I walk in here and I can not believe it! We've done this...worked hard and succeeded! I am so proud!

We face challenges every single day just like any other business, but we also have to deal with family matters. I think this shop has made us closer. It's made us understand the importance of family, and how we can truly help each other. It's made us realize that we need to stick together through the thick and thin. So please send more customers our way!!! We are looking forward to seeing our baby grow!!! Come enjoy some fro yo!!!

check us out!!

http://www.tasty-yo.com/

-besos

Yes, I know....its been a while.

But hopefully I can regain my blog writing skills...I have a pretty good blog planned out to break free from my hiatus. So here goes nothing...

Some people go their whole lives searching for a purpose...

they get so caught up in this soul searching process, that they let their lives simply pass them by. I am guilty of this very act...at times I sit around wondering what I'm meant to do or be...where I'm supposed to live...how long will I live?

Right at the point where I find myself worrying way too much I stop myself. Take a deep breath and realize that you simply must enjoy the ride and make the best of it all. That's it, that's all you can do.

Last Friday I attended a Coldplay concert, and last wednesday I saw Incubus. At the Incubus concert i realized so many things amidst that crowd. I felt a sense of belonging. Like I could stay there listening forever. I really can't explain the feeling but it felt right...comfortable, like home.

Look, I'm not saying that I'm meant to be a concert going groupie, no...but what I do know is that music is part of my life, it must always be in my life. When I was a little girl and would suffer from anxiety attacks, the best way for me to feel better was to simply listen to some music. My parents would put on a cd or the radio, and within a few minutes I would be fine.

I can not explain it...it's as though music rushes through my blood and send a calming sensation all over my body. I do not wish to imagine my life without music...the creativity and artistic ability. It's all so beautiful to me. During the Incubus concert I felt so good, so alive. Like everything made sense, maybe music is like a drug to me...definitely an upper...It just makes me feel so right...so home....So take me HOME.

-besos