Twitter / StephAntoinette

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Not quite sure how to start off this blog...but theres something that has been bugging me lately. As you may or may not know I am a fashion major. And, as you may or may not know I need an internship to graduate. Lately I find myself thinking a lot about this. I've applied to several fashion houses in New York City, I've applied to Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue...etc. But I'm not 100% sure that this is what I want. Ever since high school I have kept myself up to date on issues occurring around the world. The genocide in Darfur, the war, the starving children, the AIDs virus...the poverty. I have had a passion for helping people ever since I was a little girl. I feel that I have been extremely fortunate, and it is my duty to help others who are not as fortunate. I feel that we should all give back to this world. We have been given life, now it is our turn to help our crumbling world. And yes, it is crumbling.
Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day
At least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.
25,000 children die each day due to poverty
An estimated 40 million people are living with HIV/AIDS
Every year there are 350–500 million cases of malaria, with 1 million fatalities
1.6 billion people — a quarter of humanity — live without electricity
Approximately 790 million people in the developing world are still chronically undernourished

So this is where I tend to get confused...

I am blessed...I am healthy...I have a roof over my head...I have food on my table..and I can make a difference. Do I want to go work for a fashion house? Or do I want to go help these people? I feel so selfish...moving to New York attempting to live a fabulous life while there are so many hurting around me. This is probably one of the biggest crossroads that I have approached so far. I am so confused I can not get myself together. As the days pass by I know I have applications to send out and living arrangements to prepare. But I want to make the right decision. I feel like this is such a huge decision. If I choose fashion...I have to stick with it and bust my ass. If I choose philanthropy, I have to love it, I know the pay will not be great, but the emotional pay will be priceless. But I have to love it and life for it. I think I need to take a couple of days and study both sides....and somewhere someway I'll know what I need to do.


Monday, December 14, 2009

It's almost midnight and once again I find myself unable to sleep.

I'm trying to put together exactly what I hoped to portray in this blog, but I can't quite get my thoughts together.

I currently watched several episodes of Sex and the City, and a certain instance in one of the shows caught me off guard.


I know I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me, but right now I'm extremely confused as to what that entails. I feel as though my life has flashed before me. A mixture of school days and trips and nights with friends. But nothing significant. I have worked extremely hard to achieve what I have in school, but looking back now its simply a blur of restless nights, studying and wondering what I got on that exam.

My mom has warned me about this, days when I'm way too stressed for my age, caring way too much about a grade or a paper. But the truth of the matter is, it makes me feel like I mean something. At the end of the day, when I don't have any other accomplishments, at least I can look back and say I managed to keep a 4.0 throughout my college career. Does that sound pathetic?

I've been stressing out lately because I like to plan things...I like to know what to expect. These past four years I've been able to recognize what's coming my way. Accounting, marketing, psychology, qualitative research...they're all planned out. But come May I have no itinerary. I will walk across that stage and I will not have any sort of map or direction. And I admit I am terrified.

I'm extremely afraid of failing, of letting my family down, of letting myself down. I have these picture perfect plans in mind, but no way of knowing if its in the cards.

I do understand that I am a survivor, that whatever comes my way will work itself out. But I'm 21 years old, and the upcoming years are extremely significant to me. They will mold me. Show me a glimpse of what's coming up next.

I guess bottom line I'm feeling a little homesick already.

Not technically homesick for my home or for my family, but for this familiar ground. This comfortable schedule. Wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, go to work, sleep. I've grown accustomed to this plan, no curve balls, just classes and homework.

I have a chance to interview at Valentino in New York City. I've been keeping this quiet because I'm terrified. Sitting in a room interviewing with one of the top fashion houses in the world... it's bittersweet really. Its an amazing opportunity. Its a dream come true. But I'm terrified.

What if they completely rip me apart?

What if they hate me?

What if......

What if they love me?

What if I get the internship and move up to New York City and my life completely turns around?

What if its destiny. My calling. My new plan.

What if every part of this uneventful, stressful, 4.0 life of mine has led me to this?


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Although a dreadful subject, for some reason or another I feel that its time for me to experience new heights in this blog and write about things like....death.

No one wants to talk about it, no one wants to think about it, no one wants to come to terms with it, but its part of life.

The other night I had a mother passed away. It was one of those nightmares that felt so real, that inside it all I could not come back to reality. It was so detailed, so painful, I awoke and felt tears in my eyes. I called my mother immediately to tell her what had happened while I slept, to tell her the pain I felt, to tell her I loved her of course.

Sadly, everyone dies. At one point or another we will all perish from this earth whether we like it or not. No matter how healthy you are, how many vitamins you take, how cautious you are, no matter how much you try to escape it, death will come. I know this sounds awful and terrible and why the hell am I writing about this?!

I've experienced several losses in my life, and this blog is simply here to notify everyone that there is no real way to deal with a loss. After that nightmare I thought about my parents and how both of them have lost their parents. I thought about how painful it was, and how I have no idea how people handle it. Death is so hard because of the uncertainty of it all. Often times I wonder if there is something more, after death. Its crazy to think about, of course we hear tales of heaven and hell and an afterlife. But death puts fear in all of us because there's no way of really knowing what's next. So with this we must realize one extremely important thing about life. Cherish it. Live it. Experience every detail of it. Take chances. Fall in love. LIVE.

So many of us walk around with the fear of death that we forget to live. Not only this, but so many of us are so into planning and figuring things out that we lose track of where we are in this moment. Life has no instruction booklet, there is no guide to tell us what to do or how to do it. There is no money-back guarantee. We've been handed this life, and everything that comes with it. Now we must simply go with it. So many people put things off for tomorrow, or stay in jobs that they absolutely can't stand. People stay in relationships due to fear. People don't take chances because they are afraid of failure. But what all of us need to realize is that these are all paths of life. Without the pain and fear, we wouldn't be able to feel the good things. Without a heartbreak we wouldn't be able to recognize love.

So go for it. Live your life. Take chances. Fail. Fall down. Get your heart broken.....from all these ventures you will learn so much. You will learn to cherish so much. And you will essentially realize that this life you have been given has been lived to the fullest. That you have taken chances, and you will be remembered long after you're gone. Remember "A life is worth nothing but the impact it has on other lives". So stop reading this blog....go experience the world out there.